cellar door

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HvZ, Part Two: The Paranoia

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We’ve covered the basic rules, but how about the game in practice. It’s a whole different story. Humans v. Zombies should come with a warning label: not for the faint of heart or the paranoid.

You don’t just stun zombies. You avoid them. You do everything possible to avoid being spotted by a zombie, because if there is one, there are more. You live in constant paranoia, hand never leaving your Nerf gun or your handy pair of socks in your pocket. You don’t walk, you run, or better yet, bike. You take long circuitous routes around campus and take refuge in academic buildings, arriving half an hour early for class and staying half an hour later. I didn’t walk on Ankeny for three days.

My average day went like this: wake up on time. Hide out in my room for breakfast in order to avoid being spotted in the dining hall and followed out. Leave for my 9 a.m. class at 8:30 to avoid the rush of people getting to class. Hide in Maxey until class starts. Luckily for me, my 9 a.m. and 10 a.m. classes were both in Maxey, so I spent quite a bit of time in there. From Maxey, run over to in between Olin and Jewett, where my bike is locked. Unlock my bike (while keeping a close eye on my surroundings, of course) and zoom off behind Jewett onto Isaacs (as a general rule, very few people walk back on Isaacs, which runs behind Jewett, Olin, and the Hall of Science–though the fraternity houses are on the other side of the road). Ride on Isaacs into town for a makeshift lunch at the Colville St. Patisserie (which I cannot recommend highly enough, seriously). My 1 p.m. class is in the Hall of Science, which is quite far from Jewett and its dining hall, and would have been difficult to get to right after lunch while the zombies were out in full force. Finish lunch and ride back to the Hall of Science, locking my bike to a rail on a cement stairwell behind the building. The location was not only a good hiding place, but also a good vantage point–I could spy on Ankeny from behind the bushes and check if the coast was clear to run to the front entrance of the Hall of Science. I got to my 1 p.m. class at noon and left the Hall of Science at 2:35, making a run back to Jewett on my bike and sprinting up the stairs to hide in my room. Think you’re paranoid before the game? Just wait until it really kicks into gear.

Watch for the third installment of the HvZ trilogy: HvZ, Part Three: The Mission and the Turn.

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